May. 2nd, 2010

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So last night, my allergies kicked me good and stuffed up my nose like woah. After claritin didn't do jack, I mentioned to my husband that I was about to stick my nose in a jar of kimchee. He said, why? We still have some wasabi, won't that work better?

I am a dumbass. A tiny bit is a good thing, it does not mean that a larger quantity will also be a good thing! Thinking I'm so damn smart, I smeared some on a piece of bread and chomped down, introducing the defenseless roof of my mouth to pure Japanese hell.

Somewhere, the ghost of a bluefin tuna is laughing at me.

I wasn't quite as bad off as this poor son of a bitch, and thank any gods that are listening I've never been stupid (or drunk) enough to do something like snort wasabi because I would fuckin die. Seriously people. That's just nasty and masochistic as all hell.

What did happen is I took a bite, accidentally inhaled via mouth (since nose was stuffed up hence the whole problem) sucked wasabi spoor-vapor-acid into my lungs and proceeded to nearly cough myself unconscious. It was not intended, I was supposed to gently release the tender vapor towards my uncooperative sinuses. Instead, I coughed and choked for about five minutes, gasping for breath and sobbing like a little bitch.

Husband graciously came over to slap me on the back and inquire if I needed a Hiney-lick. I think I hacked up a chunk of my lung on his foot. It was painful, humiliating and I am grateful that I didn't shart myself and die of embarrassment. However...

Sinuses retreated in self-defense, packed their bags and I was clear for the rest of the evening.

Go figure.


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